don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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