apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
