a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
