did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize