I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
