I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
