I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
