Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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