I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
