So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
