Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
