Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
