I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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