Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
