Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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