i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
