why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
