dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
