There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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