I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
