I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
