I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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