new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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