She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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