Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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