Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
