my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
