Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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