A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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