Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
