I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
