when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
