Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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