dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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