Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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