So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
