I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
