The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
