He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
