Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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