Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize