PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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