I got chris browned last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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