I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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