Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
