is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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