Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
