Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
