I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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