I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
