my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
