I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
