Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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