peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
