i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
