Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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