So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
