we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
