Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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