Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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