ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
