hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
