3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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