I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
