Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
