? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
