I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize