If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
