Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
