so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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