I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
