Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
