Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
