I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
