Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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